I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
