So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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