Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
