What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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