Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
