Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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