saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
