It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
