i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
