TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
