Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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