i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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