The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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