you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
