dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
