2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I need help removing her.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
