1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
