She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
