i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
