I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We need to get me chipped asap
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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