she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
