You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
