Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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