Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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