i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
