ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
