Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
