im having a threesome with these popsicles
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
