A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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