of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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