Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
