dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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