Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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