and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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