The maid of honor just puked.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
