How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
