while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
