Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize