we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
