The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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