She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
