I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
