There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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