apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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