I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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