He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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