there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
