quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
