Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
