Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
